I'm home. Sitting in my living room, Rhys asleep on my lap, watching the hummingbird come to the feeder that Rick hung outside the picture window while I was gone. It's not hot in here, our house stays very cool throughout the day. Even with the windows open. Old, airy house. The kids are napping, it's so, so quiet. We already popped the bubbly. OK, full disclosure, that happened a couple hours ago. But one glass then and one after kids go to bed.
Leaving was so great today. I had no idea how walking out the main door of the hospital would feel. Beforehand, looking around what came to be called my "dorm room" by the nurses, all packed up and looking like a regular old hospital room, I was sort of nervous. They take such good care of us there. What if something went wrong at home? Who would help me? So strange, it's almost as if I forgot that I've been a mom for more than three and a half years and three times over already. We'll be fine, I know that, but I'm sure going to miss having my bed made up with clean sheets everyday.
Walking into the house was a great feeling, as if I had, well, I don't know, been in the hospital for three weeks. I can't really describe it. Rick and Owen and Jude made a wall collage out of pictures they had drawn together. It says, "Welcome Home Mommy, Rhys" The boys are SO proud of it. And I finally got to see the amazing and beautiful wind chimes that my amazing and beautiful cousin Morgan made for us. They're hung in the window in the kitchen, where the breeze can catch them. She is the best.
At first, driving through town, walking through Wegmans felt like a dream. I thought that I'd momentarily wake up inside our tiny room to the sound of a nurse changing Rhys' IV bag in the middle of the night. But now that I've been home a bit, it's the opposite. Feels like the hospital, the Lyme, the IVs, the crying kids, the awesome nurses, all of it was one of the epic movie dreams that I'm famous for. I think it may feel like that until I see someone from the hospital in the outside world, proof that they actually exist. When someone is getting discharged from the hospital, the staff likes to say, "See you at Wegmans!" This is their way of saying that they really like you and want to see you again, but don't want for you to have to be at the hospital again. And maybe Wegmans has some sort of endorsement agreement, I don't know.
I'm finding that being away from home so long does impact familiarity. Even though we've lived here for 6 years, I keep getting things wrong. Like, I turned on the wrong light switches in the bathroom. And turned the faucet handles way too hard and fast so that they flew forward and my hands slipped off. It's a tiny, tiny bit like being a guest in your own home, similar to when you visit your grandma's for a holiday and know that even though you are 100% accepted in and familiar with your environment, you are not totally accustomed and have to re-assimilate. I imagine it's a subconscious thing and am sure it will pass soon enough. Until then I'll just keep reaching for the imaginary call button on the TV remote every time I need Rick.
Did I say hooray yet? HOORAY!!! Despite the fact that our trials aren't over yet (continued lab tests, follow-ups, and my treatment lasts 10 more days), I am so glad to be home and a whole family again. And to have Rhys free of tubes and monitors and alarms and tags and stuff. My tiny Pinocchio got no strings.
Rick is home until August 1st. We decided that this would be good for many reasons. We need time to recapture the new family dynamic-oh wait, we never really had a chance to establish one. So there's that, and then all the follow-ups, and the fact that I refuse to have summer stolen from us. So bring on the sun, the lake house, the boat, Grassroots, picnics, road trips, outdoor excursions. And, of course, nightly checks for ticks. Which you should be doing, too.
I'll write a few follow-up posts, probably. Depends on how much sleep I'm not getting. Thanks for taking the journey with me, and for all the support. Now I know who matters to us. You do.
See you at Wegmans!
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